February 1, 2011
doubt/best way to live
I love this work. It fills my soul and nourishes me and as I do it.
But every now and then, I wake up in the morning and think, "do I really believe this whole God thing?". Like enough to spend everyday, all day doing "God-work"...seeking to be an intentional God-bearer in the world? Really? Can I be sure? What if my sense of God is really just the air filling my lungs or my own voice in my head?
And then I think, well, even if experiencing God is just a social construct, even if I am buying into a massive myth--I am convinced that this is the best way to live.
That being a person who practices belief in God, living in the Spirit, and following the teachings of Jesus is the most authentic, life-giving, whole, beauty-seeking, freedom-chasing way to live. And then faith comes back, floods in, God's sovereignty covers my doubts and reminds me:
The voice of the Beloved, naming me Beloved, is too un-human for me to make up.