February 1, 2011

doubt/best way to live

Most days I embrace faith. I practice faith for a living as a pastor. So I pray, preparing messages, study scripture, give pastoral care all in the name of the somewhat elusive Holy Spirit.
I love this work. It fills my soul and nourishes me and as I do it.
But every now and then, I wake up in the morning and think, "do I really believe this whole God thing?". Like enough to spend everyday, all day doing "God-work"...seeking to be an intentional God-bearer in the world?  Really? Can I be sure?  What if my sense of God is really just the air filling my lungs or my own voice in my head?
And then I think, well, even if experiencing God is just a social construct, even if I am buying into a massive myth--I am convinced that this is the best way to live.
That being a person who practices belief in God, living in the Spirit, and following the teachings of  Jesus is the most authentic, life-giving, whole, beauty-seeking, freedom-chasing way to live. And then faith comes back, floods in, God's sovereignty covers my doubts and reminds me:
The voice of the Beloved, naming me Beloved, is too un-human for me to make up.


  1. Why do I think I need to say anything else when you have said it all so well? Except to say that (in case you ever wondered) you're not the only one who feels this exact way. Not at all. And it's so good for me to see that I'm not either. Thanks.

  2. I love you, friend, and the way you believe in God, living in the Spirit, follow the teachings of Jesus, are authentic, life-giving, whole, beauty-seeking, and freedom chasing - for yourself and others. I love God who connects us and the deep soul friendships that he extends to us to remind us of his character. We are his Beloved. What an amazing gift!


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