June 15, 2012
A short rant about a lawyer, a pastor, and being a woman
"Can you talk without using your hands?" He laughed, and I laughed (awkwardly), and I tried to make a joke about "no, I can't, it's impossible...hahahaha).
Truly, I do use my hands A LOT when I talk.
At first, I wanted to laugh this off and let it go, but I have found myself growing more angry over this encounter. What he meant as a shallow joke (perhaps even trying to be warm and friendly in some misguided way), came off as sexist and belittling to me.
I am very aware that if I was a man in that interview, it would be highly unlikely that anything that I did with my hands, my voice, my appearance would be drawn attention to in such a way. This attorney would most likely not have remarked regarding any mannerism of the provost, president, or other senior leader that he was interviewing. Can you imagine him saying to a male senior leader (without responding to his content), "So, you use your hands a lot? So, you cough a lot? So, you kind of close your eyes in an odd way when you talk? I notice that you talk in a very low voice?".
Over the years, I have been counseled that I have to lower my voice, make my hand motions slower and wider, not nod so much, not be so positive, not be so friendly, smile less, not be so authentic/honest, not admit when I am wrong so quickly...etc, etc, to be taken seriously as a leader. Essentially, be more masculine (sorry to you smiling, friendly males that use hand motions).
I have to say, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I am a dean at a university and have earned my role there just like anyone else. Perhaps even more so as a younger woman in a two male-dominated fields (pastoral ministry and the academy). And I am sure I used my hands A LOT in my interview.
So, you Mr. Big Attorney with the flashy watch and the nice suit, but with no manners---
I am not a man and I am never going to be one.
I am going to use my hands when I talk.
I am going to smile as much as I want.
And I am going to laugh at your ridiculous comments (at times),
but just between you and me and the world.
you lost credibility in that meeting, not me.
Don't belittle women even accidentally by what you think is cute and funny.
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
Count this man as one who believes in your ability to engage others, to include them, to teach them, to lead them is enhanced by your ability to demonstrate affect, to demonstrate care, concern, empathy - to use sweeping hand gestures, to smile, to draw others into the reality of Christ in this world. You won't find me asking if you can talk without your hands - you'll find me asking how I can learn to communicate with passion and love and inclusion...like you do so well.ReplyDelete
I am facing some serious legal issues with my family for the reason of property dispute between the family members, that’s why I am looking for finding the law firms near me.Delete
I spent over three hours with you on Wednesday and never once noticed your hands.ReplyDelete
At my work, people tell me to smile ALL the time. It doesn't bother me, yet, but I can tell that eventually it will.
The older I get the less tolerant I am of the belittling remarks from men (and sadly women too) that are used to diminish our unique contribution to the world. Who on earth remembers the straight sitting, boring, monotone speaker. Who remembers a voice with passion, so much so that it's enthusiasm cannot be restrained and explodes through the body.....especially the hands. :)ReplyDelete
One mail colleague's response to me upon seeing our Foxtalks videos was, "Wow Steve, do you ever stop moving your hands?" I wanted to respond, "No, and it's part of why I communicate much better than you do."ReplyDelete
Thank you for this rant Sarah. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one going away from encounters like that feeling like I just talked to a jerk. I feel a bit like meg ryan in you've got mail- don't always have the come backs when I want them, and then when I do, I still feel guilty afterwards..ReplyDelete
Great post. I'm sorry this happened to you. I believe, as you do, that this was a sexist move on his part--something he would not have said to a male leader. Keep strong: you do great work, and deserve everything you've achieved because of who you are, not because of what you are.
I've never noticed that you talk with your hands. Probably because I'm too busy listening to what you say and your gesticulations emphasize your words. This is a fabulous declaration, Sarah. Can we anonymously e-mail this to the big lawyer? Creating gmail accounts is as easy as pie.ReplyDelete
My darling Daughter-in Law,ReplyDelete
On the few occasions that I have been blessed to spend time with you, I have noticed that you speak with your heart, your hands, your lips and mostly with the passion of your beliefs. I am so proud of you for not accepting this slight and for recognizing it for what it is. Everyone who has ever spent a moment in your presence knows that you did not deserve this slight!
One last reminder: When Christ was nailed to the cross it was His hands which they attempted to silence. While it was not successfu,l because every day we are reminded of His sacrifice for us. You will continue to spread His message through your words, your heart and your hands, just as Christ ordered. You are called to present his message and there are always those who will attempt to diminish your message in any way they can. Be strong in His love and know that all of us appreciate you for the wonderful, loving, faithful woman you are!
Hugs from both of us to all 4 of you!
I just read your post and am taken aback at your experience. Not surprised, I guess, but saddened. I echo the words of many others who commented, and give thanks for the gifted communication and powerful message you speak through your life. Shalom, friend.ReplyDelete
I spent over three hours with you on Wednesday and Membersihkan karang gigi never once noticed your hands.ReplyDelete
Each case has dangers and expenses. Be careful with a lawyer who reveals to you just what you need to hear without surveying the qualities of the contradicting gathering's case. commercial real estate lawyerReplyDelete
Even on the off chance that you live in a Hot Market where private real estate sells in 2-3 days there is an old way to deal with real estate that is becoming quicker by the day.....Residential Real Estate Investors. Haitch ConveyancingReplyDelete
Positive site, where did u come up with the information on this posting? I'm pleased I discovered it though, ill be checking back soon to find out what additional posts you include. child custodyReplyDelete
Profit primarily prime quality items -- you can understand them all within: وکیلReplyDelete
وکیل طلاق تهران متخصص وکلای تهران برترین گروه حقوقی ومدافع حقوق 09121404305 وکیل طلاقReplyDelete
Let's be honest, separate is a period of profoundly upset feelings and it tends to be extremely hard to perceive the significant from the immaterial. Wisconsin divorce lawsReplyDelete
اگر مردی زوجه خود را به نه طلاق که شش تای آن عدی باشد مطلقه کند
ان زن تا ابد بر آن مرد حرام خواهد بود
و نمیتوانند با هم ازدواج کنند.
طلاق عدی همان طلاق رجعی است
که مرد در زمان عده به زوجه خود رجوع کرده و با وی نزدیکی کند.
وکیل طلاق به بیانی ساده تر توضیح میدهد
طلاق اول و دوم، چهارم و پنجم و هفتم هشتم رجعی محسوب میشود.
در این موارد مرد میتواند مجدد به زن رجوع کند.
اما پس از نهمین طلاق با شرایط فوق ذکر برای همیشه حق رجوع از مرد سلب میشود.
These SEO organizations have a methodology expecting customers to pay the significant web indexes (counting Google and Yahoo) for month to month site support. Nonetheless, the organization has ensured SEO administrations, where customers don't pay support for that month.visit websiteReplyDelete
Individual injury legal counselors have the ability to document a case for essentially any kind of sickness or injury caused because of the carelessness of an individual or party.ctpclaimlawyer.com.auReplyDelete
With the a large number of legal advisors in New York City, and particularly in Queens, you'll before long know precisely which injury attorney in sovereigns are able and which aren't.injury attorneyReplyDelete
In any complex legal problem and especially one that involves a lot of money, it is good to have a lawyer. Apart from dispensing information, lawyers offer the much needed advice and apply their skills to all legal problems. There are many lawyer firms out there but that does not mean that all lawyers are good. In fact, finding a lawyer who is able to help well with a particular problem is not an easy task. A good lawyer serves as the client's legal coach and he/she goes an extent further to educate the client on all legal technicalities involved in the case. 移民律师ReplyDelete
This comment has been removed by the author.ReplyDelete
Once I thought about things like: why such information is for free here? Because when you write a book then at least on selling a book you get a percentage. Thank you and good luck on informing people more about it… الكفالة في مكافحة المخدراتReplyDelete
You needn't bother with a lawyer and the main expense is a little organization charge. More data concerning this interaction is accessible on the BBB site.https://www.natlawreview.com/article/7-defense-strategies-macrac-auditsReplyDelete
Jonathan Charney keeps up with that the present CIL is increasingly being made by consensual multilateral discussions, rather than State practice and opinio juris, and that "[consensus, https://www.natlawreview.com/article/7-defense-strategies-macrac-auditsReplyDelete
حقاً أين أجد افضل محامي بالرياض مناسب لجميع القضايا القانونية، بما في ذلك القضايا التجارية والطلاق والاحوال الشخصية ونقل الملكيات والشيكات والمحاكم العمالية ؟ محامي في الرياضReplyDelete
The Law of Love shows us we can't encounter utter bliss while clutching opposition through renunciation of our encounters. Giving up permits the Law of Love to stream and offers replies to those troublesome inquiries of life. The Law of Love-Its part sorcery and part energy science.https://corporateinvestigation.com/greg-s-murof/ReplyDelete
Assuming we could acknowledge that all prospects exist right now and stay centered in the Now of life, intentionally permitting the Laws of Life to uninhibitedly work through us, we would before long perceive that we are in a co-made world which we have moral obligation regarding bringing into reality.injury lawyer brooklynReplyDelete
best car accident lawyer near me
I hate to see people taken advantage of and I hate to see people suffer after choosing the wrong lawyer. car accident lawyer fresnoReplyDelete
When they consider about the lawsuit, it is essential to take recommendations from legal advisors. From the defendants, who are legally responsible for the accidents, the plaintiffs have the privilege to obtain a range of compensatory damages. legal advisor in dubaiReplyDelete
At the point when you set out to meet with a mind injury attorney or law office, you really want to evaluate the accompanying: experience with head injury, character and ability to take your case one.do i need a personal injury lawyerReplyDelete
injury lawyer near me
At the point when an individual has encountered a physical issue because of the carelessness of one more party it is a generally excellent choice to talk with an in private attorney injury.injury attorneyReplyDelete
nyc injury lawyer
Just because you have pre-paid legal available for use does not mean that you should use them. The best lawyers are seldom members of a pre-paid legal service panel. https://www.bestdivorcelawyerdelhi.in/ReplyDelete
Willkommen! Wenn Sie auf der Suche nach einem Rechtsanwalt in Hattingen und/oder Steuerberater in Hattingen Steuerberater HattingenReplyDelete
Thank you ever so for you post. Fantastic.ReplyDelete
محامي عقاري جدة
The Healthcare Tool basically is really a physician <Nitroglycerine rectal Compounding along with several duties as well as ability models necessary to perform exactly the same. Each management as well as healthcare duties which are through using a lot healthcare practice fall under the actual ambit of the Healthcare Tool.ReplyDelete
(23) Referring to such law as "definitive law" that is important for a "fantasy framework" addressing the aggregate goals and the "verbal practice" of States,Child custody Las VegasReplyDelete
On the off chance that how much your legitimate debate is tiny, for example, a case or objection by a client for $1,000 or less, employing a lawyer will be uneconomic. Luckily, there are other useful assets. immigration attorney TemeculaReplyDelete
It is entirely moral to request a lawyer permit before you even start to impart your deepest privileged insights to them.ReplyDelete
محامي تجاري الرياض
She confided in her lawyer to pay special attention to her inclinations; she didn't have the foggiest idea or comprehend what ought to have been occurring and had no clue until she got warning from the court that the case had been excused.ReplyDelete
In the event of direness or excursion, the lawyer will sort out for somebody in the workplace to reach you. frouharlaw.comReplyDelete
There are so many laws that it would take an individual with a typical perusing expertise more than 1,000 years just to peruse the law book.ReplyDelete
We have an abundance of involvement with this region of the law and can give you the direction you want to pursue the most ideal choices for your future. Contact Resource security legal counselor Springfield MO today to plan a meeting with one of our lawyers. Chandler Probate LawyerReplyDelete
After they have stood by listening to their clients and their perspective on the occasion, these lawyers start their exploration work to accumulate more realities, gather confirms, and plan for the preliminary procedures in the court.ReplyDelete
A prosecution lawyer who is sitting tight by the telephone for your call and tells you precisely the thing you are wanting to hear might be excessively eager or excessively unpracticed to deal with your case. SohovichLaw.comReplyDelete